Sunday, May 27, 2012


As a child I was not much of the cheerful kind. When I was not in school or tuition you would find me in my room near the window table. The windows wide opened, I will be there staring into the sky or the hills, making up stories, one after another.  She knew I was different but she never told me so.  I hardly study and I hardly ask for toys but she was always there by my side waiting for me to be ready so that she can teach me how to fly. I don’t know how long she has waited but at a point of time she was frustrated and I knew she was angry coz she was never the same like before. I wanted to see her happy so I stepped out from my room one fine day only to return defeated and bullied by the other kids. After some years I began to socialize but in my own way and I could see she was hurt for a reason I never tried to find out. As I grew up I realized we were so different and sometimes I wondered how could we share the same blood. I cried, I cursed, I argue without knowing why I was so rebellious, maybe that was a part of growing up. One day I left her for a place so far away and when I looked out from the Car window, I saw her eyes full of tears standing by the gate, I knew she was trying to say ‘I love you’ and I felt bile rising up my stomach and finally tears rolling out from my eyes. I reached the city full of strangers; lived in a house full of girls and shared a room with one girl. At night when the light was off, the only word that came out from my mouth was ‘mama’. I had nightmares and when I woke up from each nightmare I missed her more and more. I fell sick, I was robbed and with each tragedy I experienced, her memories became stronger than ever. She always had a solution for everything and foolishly I took it for granted when she was there with me all the time.
One day I realized what I had to do, I just had to be like the way she want me to be so that I could feel her with every steps I make. Since that day, every decision I made was after considering what she will say, what she will think. And believe me, it worked. I scored good marks, I found my best friend and many other new friends. I called her every evening and took suggestions from her.  Now, I am back and once again she is by my side but this time I have open my arms before she could think how I feel and I will never let her go.
‘Mama, I am sorry for giving you such a hard time in the past, without your support it’s impossible to become what I am. I love you more than anything or anyone else and please be my Mama for the many more rebirths I will take’

Saturday, May 26, 2012

How a woman loved

Her eyes smudge with the kajals, Her cheeks wet with the flowing tears. She was looking out of the window, staring into the blank space. Beside her was the Bed, unmade and evidence of last night’s story. The wind hit her face with a fierce blow lifting her long trails from her shoulder. She was draped in a loose cotton cloth too meagre for the cold weather. But nothing was capable of capturing her attention at that instant.
His words kept on lingering in her Mind. “Jenny, this is the last time”. Jenny smiled and kissed her unaware of the coming avalanche. She replied, “what are you saying darling”. He hold her hands and looking straight into her eyes uttered the words which breaks her brittle heart into a million pieces. “I am leaving tomoro and I may never come back”. She was surprised but still with the little hope she had in her mind she replied. “ok baby, but I will come to you even if you don’t cme here”. He shook his head, his eyes looking for something to support. “There are things I haven’t told you dear, things I have hidden from you. But now, I don’t want to keep you in the dark for long, already most of the people in the town have come to know about us and sooner or later this will create problem for both of us”. Jenny knew people were talking about them but she never cared and so she thought him too. She will fight the whole world for him. But why was he acting so differently today. She looked at him with eyes full of doubts. For the first time in the last 2 years he was unable to look back at her. He stood up, reached for his back pocket, took out his purse, opened it and showed it to her. Reluctantly she took the wallet. She turned ice cold the moment she looked at it. There was her love with a broad smile, his arms embracing a pretty woman and a beautiful young boy. She understood but she didn’t say a word. Vikram gave her few minutes and replied- “She is my wife, we had some misunderstanding and we filed for divorce. My son Rohan was in her custody. Now Rohan has leukemia and he need both of us. We have to get back for his sake, I never told you about her because we weren’t together for the last 5 years, it was almost over… I have loved you jenny and I still do but I cannot stay with you. I cannot punish my innocent son for something he hasn’t done”. Jenny could feel the pain caused by the contraction of her heart. His every words shattering the world she has created in her mind. Vikram was the only one she loved in her life and she was proud to be called his only love. Tears streamed down her face as she absorbed his words. Vikram wanted to hold her, let her cry in his arms but she retrieved back seeing his approach. Vikram continue, “I am sorry for not telling you about my marriage status but you know deep inside your heart that what I am doing is right. I am leaving tomorrow”. Saying this he stormed out of the room.
Jenny didn’t sleep the whole night. She was staring into the blank space, standing in the same spot for the last so many hours. Throughout the whole night she was remembering and recollecting every moment she spent with him. Dawn breaks and she knew exactly what to do.
Vikram, sad but anxious to see his beloved son packed his bag, leave his motel and took a taxi. The already crowded market place was more crowded that day, he was already late for his bus. After waiting for few minutes, he came out of the taxi and thought the better option was to walk to the bus stop. He was shocked to see this many people on a Monday morning. ‘Some puja’, he thought. As he gets nearer to the building where Jenny was staying, he could see a mob of people gathered around something. He ignored and walked quickly to avoid accidental meeting with jenny.
He left the town, unaware of her sufferings, her feelings so deep for him that she couldn’t bear it anymore and had to jump from her window to finally get rid of them.

“I will Love you forever until death do us apart”