How a woman loved

Her eyes smudge with the kajals, Her cheeks wet with the flowing tears. She was looking out of the window, staring into the blank space. Beside her was the Bed, unmade and evidence of last night’s story. The wind hit her face with a fierce blow lifting her long trails from her shoulder. She was draped in a loose cotton cloth too meagre for the cold weather. But nothing was capable of capturing her attention at that instant.

His words kept on lingering in her Mind. “Jenny, this is the last time”. Jenny smiled and kissed her unaware of the coming avalanche. She replied, “what are you saying darling”. He hold her hands and looking straight into her eyes uttered the words which breaks her brittle heart into a million pieces. “I am leaving tomoro and I may never come back”. She was surprised but still with the little hope she had in her mind she replied. “ok baby, but I will come to you even if you don’t cme here”. He shook his head, his eyes looking for something to support. “There are things I haven’t told you dear, things I have hidden from you. But now, I don’t want to keep you in the dark for long, already most of the people in the town have come to know about us and sooner or later this will create problem for both of us”. Jenny knew people were talking about them but she never cared and so she thought him too. She will fight the whole world for him. But why was he acting so differently today. She looked at him with eyes full of doubts. For the first time in the last 2 years he was unable to look back at her. He stood up, reached for his back pocket, took out his purse, opened it and showed it to her. Reluctantly she took the wallet. She turned ice cold the moment she looked at it. There was her love with a broad smile, his arms embracing a pretty woman and a beautiful young boy. She understood but she didn’t say a word. Vikram gave her few minutes and replied- “She is my wife, we had some misunderstanding and we filed for divorce. My son Rohan was in her custody. Now Rohan has leukemia and he need both of us. We have to get back for his sake, I never told you about her because we weren’t together for the last 5 years, it was almost over… I have loved you jenny and I still do but I cannot stay with you. I cannot punish my innocent son for something he hasn’t done”. Jenny could feel the pain caused by the contraction of her heart. His every words shattering the world she has created in her mind. Vikram was the only one she loved in her life and she was proud to be called his only love. Tears streamed down her face as she absorbed his words. Vikram wanted to hold her, let her cry in his arms but she retrieved back seeing his approach. Vikram continue, “I am sorry for not telling you about my marriage status but you know deep inside your heart that what I am doing is right. I am leaving tomorrow”. Saying this he stormed out of the room.

Jenny didn’t sleep the whole night. She was staring into the blank space, standing in the same spot for the last so many hours. Throughout the whole night she was remembering and recollecting every moment she spent with him. Dawn breaks and she knew exactly what to do.

Vikram, sad but anxious to see his beloved son packed his bag, leave his motel and took a taxi. The already crowded market place was more crowded that day, he was already late for his bus. After waiting for few minutes, he came out of the taxi and thought the better option was to walk to the bus stop. He was shocked to see this many people on a Monday morning. ‘Some puja’, he thought. As he gets nearer to the building where Jenny was staying, he could see a mob of people gathered around something. He ignored and walked quickly to avoid accidental meeting with jenny.

He left the town, unaware of her sufferings, her feelings so deep for him that she couldn’t bear it anymore and had to jump from her window to finally get rid of them.

“I will Love you forever until death do us apart”

Memories

The Songs we sung,
The Places we visited
The Books we read, they all...
Attract your memories like a magnet Darling..
Defeated in the battle of life, tried to be strong,
but I am weak to the bone Darling..
Happiness left me the day I left you.
You are never coming back,
so are those moments Darling..
I am still waiting but behind this wall of life and death.
I happily embrace death,
to be in your arms again Darling

A Night to Remember

It was a boring day. I was all alone in my room. My roommates had gone to see their frens and relatives. They weren’t coming back for the night and I was all prepared to spend the night all alone with a cup-o-noodles and some movies. At around 5 p.m. my phone rang, it was Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is one of my very good friends. She knew I was alone and asked me to come at their place for dinner. After a sumptuous dinner, we went to Gurgaon with her BF to some unknown shopping mall. In the top floor there was a pub with the name “Sapphire”, it was a pleasant pub, spacious, nice ambiance with a vibrant dance floor and good drinks. We had few drinks, after that Eli and I went to the dance floor. We were just laughing and inventing some funny dance moves when I saw her. She was dancing with a girl. Her dance moves were graceful, seductive and amazingly wild. I stopped dancing and stepped back admiring her dance moves. She was an incredible dancer. Almost all the people gathered in that pub was looking at her. She was wearing a jeans and a jacket, plain and simple as compared to the other girls in the pub who came with all those revealing clothes. I looked at her face; she was very fair, applied no makeup and had dreamy eyes. Once or twice she glanced at me; she knew I was looking at her.

After sometime I accompanied Eli to the washroom as she was feeling sick coz of the drinks. She was very drunk and I was holding her hands while she was trying to puke. Suddenly the washroom door opened and that girl from the dance floor entered. She washed her hand and gave a quick look at us. She knew we were having problems and told me to put Eli’s head under the tap. Then, she came towards us and helped loosen Eli’s shirt and put some water around her neck. I thought, ‘what a girl, great dancer, simple, smart and caring’. She asked me my name and told me hers is Nina and she is from Mizoram. We talked for almost half an hour about various things. After sometime the washroom door opened and that other girl with whom she was dancing entered. She said, ‘ Nina, I was looking for you, thank god u are here’. She said Hi to me and went to one of the lavatory. Nina smiled and turned back to resume our talk when that girl called her from the lavatory. She said, ’Nina, Can you come here once’. Nina asked for my excuse and went inside the lavatory then she locked the door from inside.

I stood there for few minutes when I suddenly realized what a fool I was. Everything was making sense now. She was a Lesbian. I dragged Eli out of the washroom at that instant.

Eli’s bf was waiting for us at the entrance and we were just about to leave when I heard someone calling my name. I turned back and was petrified when Nina hugged me tightly. She asked for my no. I told her I don’t remember mine and instead to give me hers. She wrote it down in a piece of paper and told me to give her a call for sure. I promised and left the room.

Eli’s bf asked me if I knew her, I told him we just met then he smiled and said, ‘she is very famous’. I knew what he meant. I was shocked and traumatized.

It was late when I reached my room. I changed, washed my face and went to bed. Then I searched my bag took out that piece of paper, stared at it for few mins, it was an Idea no. Then I tore it and smiled for the first time in that last 4 hours.

A Night

It was so dark; I could only see his shining eyes.

It was so quiet; I could only hear my heartbeat.

There we stood in that dark room, staring at each other for like forever,

Waiting for the first move, which both of us are reluctant to make.

The clock was ticking and a minute seems like a year.

Far away in the distance a dog was barking and how I wish I had a pet dog.

His eyes hardly blink and he was still like a stone.

Then, in a flick of a moment, I saw his hand rushed in his pocket.

He took out something shiny, shinier than his eyes

I lost all hope when I saw that shining blade.

He approached like a gladiator coming for his kill.

I pray and uttered my last word when his blade strike at my heart.

‘Forgive me for my sin’

But something was wrong, I can still feel, but I cannot feel the pain,

Like I have been given something to sedate.

Then, the alarm clock rang and I sprang up from the worst nightmare I ever had.

When I think about you...

Sitting alone in this abandoned space,

My eyes are fixed at the crowd in front of me, but

My mind, my mind is not willing to stay in this chaotic room.

It is seeking, seeking every dream, every illusion that is stored in my subconscious.

Life has changed dramatically in the last few years.

You have come and you have gone.

I am not crazy about you and I will not die for you.

I can live without you and I can smile without you, but

When this convulsion comes to me, I need you to hold my hands.

When this fit stuck me, I need you to hug me tight, and

When all these worldly lust leave me, I want you and only you to stay behind.

When I grow old, I want to spend my whole day by your side.

And I think this is Love.

She

Look at her. What do you see?..a satisfied face? a symbol of adequacy? an apple of everyone’s eye?

Her face is adorned with her smile but her smile is a silent shroud, and like any other shroud, there is death beneath it.

She bloomed like a flower once when the sun was on her side..But, one day that same sun burned her to the root, turning her in to a lifeless form.

Hope came in the form of rain and she resurrected into a beautiful flower, like in her younger days.

She searched every nook and corner to find the only thing that gave her life back.

But, this fool never knew,,her days are gone and so was her beauty.

She was meaningless to even the dust beneath her sole and foolishly she longed for the rain from the sky.

Her new life was not a reward but a curse. She had no choice but to embrace this curse,

and wear this "Smile".

"I'll try not to smile a special smile when you say hello"

My School Days

Memories of School Days always bring smile to one’s face it always make you search your memory lane to remember those precious moments that you have preserved in your mind.

I studied in only one school ‘Manipur Public School’ which was one of the best schools in Manipur at that time with more than 2000 students. When I came to give the written test of that school, I admired the vast campus full of kids with their parents around them. My test room was the last right side one of the primary section and as a kid I remember walking a long corridor to reach that room. My test went well except for Hindi which I found to really tough for a class 1 student.

During my primary classes i.e., Class I-V, I was a really studious kid with only one close friend. I use to sit at the right side corner of the first bench with my Best friend (her name is Laishram Priyadarshini) beside me. I never talked to boys except one who happened to be from nearby my place. I used to come always in the 4^th Rank and I how I wished I could come in the 3^rd Rank once. Chaobi, Ranjita and Akee always take 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd and I use to loathe them like anything. How stupid I was.

Things changed when I came to class VI, We were in the senior block now and the whole block was a chaos, the corridor was always crowded and girls were so shiny, clean and had beautiful hairs. I use to stare at the girls and admired them (just like a sister, I am not a Lesbian) some of the girls who were in class XI and XII looked like movie stars and all of them wore short skirts. Jennifer who was in class XII was like a goddess to me, she used to walk the corridor like she was walking a ramp. I admired everything about her, her hair, her complexion, her skirts and the way she walk. At home I use to look in the mirror and imitate her and I will say she did change me from a boring bespectacled bookworm to the real me. I got a proposal from a guy in my class when I was in class VI and you won’t believe how much I shivered that day. I wanted to keep it a secret but the next day I found out the whole class was talking about us. After few months he proposed my best friend and I wondered what the hell was all that. All these things changed me, I no longer had interest in books or visiting libraries, I started wearing make ups and sometime bunking classes too. My best friend wasn’t my best friend anymore. I had new friends who never study and always bunk the classes. The whole day they use to talk about girls and boys.

I never dated any guy as my parents were really strict but I found my first love in that very school. We were and in class IX and one day I saw him sitting in a corner bench all alone. He was definitely a new student. I never intended to love him in the beginning I just pitied him. The next instant I remember we were talking as we were friends for the last so many years, He was from Sainik School and I guess he was expelled because of some fights from there. It was hard to believe coz he looked so innocent. We became good friends and I use to give his letters to girls. He proposed so many girls, some of them accepted (he was really handsome and tall) but he was never too interested in any of them that it lasted 1 month. One day, I came to know he love me. I was confused, I never wanted to hurt him but I had no intention to date him too. I knew I was just another girl for him. I never confessed that I loved him too but I avoided him. He called me at home but I never picked up and one day he came to visit me at my tuition centre. We talked for a while but I knew it wasn’t possible for us to be together, we were so different.

We gave our class X exam, and I was the only one who passed in my group, more than 60% students flunked. When I came to class XI everyone was a stranger. I made new friends and my school life revolved around tuitions, classes, news paper readings for assemblies and having khichri and aloo chop in the canteen.

I missed my schooldays and I am what I am all because of that school.